This is a relatively difficult post to write, however I feel like it's really important to write about. This is mainly for other undergraduates who may be feeling the same way I did; you're not alone.
I began my undergraduate degree in Human and Physical Geography at the University of Reading in September 2016. Prior to university I'd had my far share of anxiety and depression throughout college, and a smattering of aviophobia from the age of 10 or so (so much so that on my first visit to UoR prior to enrolment I had a panic attack and begged my mum to take me home). Therapy was brilliant for this, but the change in situation moving to university prevented this healthy habit from continuing. And the wait-list for the uni counselling services was over 4 months. Ensue struggles.
To make things worse, I really struggled to socialise. I had a boyfriend back home (a mere 30 minute drive away) and a weekend job. Both of these things inhibited by ability and desire to party 7 nights straight for 2 weeks at fresher's as my flatmates did.
Additionally, I really struggled with acne, and had done for years. Perhaps the stresses of change, increased alcohol consumption, and an unhealthy diet exacerbated my skin. This was a massive knock to my confidence, making me hide away in my bedroom and taking days away to travel to see a dermatologist (to no avail).
Fast forward to my second year and I was living from home (alone) and commuting into Reading. This was the best decision for my mental health, although it did inhibit me from socialising at university, but I had my boyfriend as a safety blanket. My acne improved, but I definitely regret not putting more effort into joining societies and finding my 'people' beyond my course.
Unfortunately, the end of second year is when my mental health was at its worst. A field class to Crete was approaching. My social anxiety and aviophobia weren't under control at this point, especially considering the stresses of approaching exams and the beginning of my dissertation research. I worried myself sick, had heart palpitations, and near daily panic attacks. I could not attend the field class. Ironically me missing out on the field class did not improve anything as individuals became close friends during this trip, thus I had outcast myself once more.
However, this was a necessary wake-up call. I went to the doctors, got the help that I needed through therapy and medication. This made my final year so much easier. I graduated with a First in July. I am beyond proud, especially given my deep desires to dropout in my first term. If you had told Gabby in 2016 that she'd graduate and then continue studying for a PhD I'm sure she'd think that you're the crazy one who needs therapy.
I now eat my lunch every day in the same room that I had that panic attack in over 3 years ago.
My advice and warnings:
find your 'people'
peer pressure still exists even when you're an adult
seek help from your new acquaintances, you're all in the same sinking boat
be social, it's hard at first but gets far easier
you can do more than you ever thought possible!
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